REVIEW - Mariah Carey - E=MC2 - Nothin' but "Big Bad Ear-Wax"
May 3, 2008 - There is a constant vehicle in marketing and sales that simply encourages the pitch to decipher what makes the product better than anyone else’s. What makes you different? Sometimes the product speaks for itself; others have to argue their point. Mariah Carey has had an advantage for years via her multi octave voice.

She was in the company of Whitney and Celine in vocal prowess. Unfortunately, that special weapon is no guarantee of success. Celine’s last album failed to even reach No. 1 and Whitney was caught sounding like Scatman Crothers at a recent concert in Tobago, of course telling the audience how happy she was to be in Trinidad didn’t help her efforts. Mariah survived the disastrous “Glitter” phase, both acting and singing tsunamis and today she’s the proud owner of the no. 1 album on the Billboard Top 200 with “E=MC2.” Let me start by saying marketing and hoopla can do wonders because this is the biggest piece of earwax I’ve heard since Jennifer Lopez shoved a ginzu knife in my ear with “Brave.”

Just like a political leaders see-saw ride from hero to zero, Carey got a little too big in the 90’s. She came out like a chainsaw in a hurricane with “Vision of Love.” She had the voice, the girl next door looks and she just happened to be married to Sony head, Tommy Mottola. It was certainly a fairytale existence but there was something not believable about her image. Was the marriage even real? Was she? To her defence she collected lots of fame fast and that’s hard to handle for even the most centered person and she started to crumble. First the marriage, then her record sales and her piece of mind. Carey started acting a little nutty at times not making any sense during interviews but you know how it goes, everyone loves a comeback. It started with "The Emancipation of Mimi" in 2005 which some critics claimed was her return to form and a more modern sound. “E=MC2” sounds very similar but that’s nothing to celebrate since both albums seem like random collections of tune without any direction or heart.

Carey sounds like Beyonce or Rihanna on this project. Why would she want to? Her vocal ability, that thing that makes her different is what will have radio stations choose her version of “Without You” over drivel like “Bootylicious” in 20 years. “E=MC2” is an attempt to sound hip from a singer who has forgotten that she’s the leader, even long before Alicia Keys brought us derivative moldy cheese, Carey was the queen of vocal super-powers. That freight-train voice is no where on this album. Carey sounds sedated at times. I couldn't even recognise Mimi on “I'll Be Lovin' U Long Time,” it simply doesn’t sound like her. Same for the CD’s opening track “Migrate” featuring T-Pain, it’s about a wild night out with friends and it just wasn’t Mariah. The generic “Touch my Body” sounds like a lacklustre album track that’s easily forgotten and the more subdued “I Stay in Love” has some merit; it’s pretty and shows a glimpse of the singer’s 90’s heyday. Damian Marley adds Reggae to “Cruise Control,” it’s pleasant, it’s ok. “Side Effects,” about a toxic relationship, something that Carey is well versed in sounds like it could have come from any of the Pop/Urban divas. It’s the kind of tune that makes you yell at the speakers from the pain in your eardrums. Young Jeezy, Jermaine Dupri and StarGate also help or maybe help ruin this whole mess. It just doesn’t work.

“E=MC2” might be No. 1 but is it any good? After all lip-synch queen Ashlee Simpson's is No. 4 – consider the company. I wonder if Carey even knows who Einstein is? – by John Beaudin